These Sleepless Hours
by Sgt.Pepperony
Summary: Wanda finds herself drawn towards Steve after he allows her access to his memories. [Part One of Of Hearts and Minds] *Complete*
**Title:** These Sleepless Hours
 **Author:** Sgt. Pepperony  
 **Fandom:** Avengers (MCU)  
 **Rating:** M/E for smut and triggering content  
 **Pairing:** Steve/Wanda  
 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the Avengers, characters or anything else. Song belong to Halsey.

 **I have to mention, trigger warnings for panic attacks and mild depression from the outset.**

* * *

 _My ghost  
Where'd you go?  
I can't find you in the body sleeping next to me  
My ghost  
Where'd you go?  
What happened to the soul that you used to be?_

Wanda had been in a state of numbness ever since the Battle of Sokovia and the consequential loss of Pietro. His funeral was today and Wanda was just completely detached from the world. The voices were distorted, her vision cloudy and she needed air and fast.

She ran out to the balcony and tried to breathe. Her heart was racing, and she felt dizzy and sweaty. Still air was not coming to her.

"Wanda?" someone asked and quickly ran to her, placing their strong hands on her shoulders. "Wanda try to focus on me and breathe." Slowly her senses regained some clarity and Steve's features became more distinctive. Her heart was still pounding though. "There we go, it's okay. You're okay."

He released his hands and smiled. Wanda looked a hot mess with her hair sticking to her forehead, watery eyes, and red face. She could not believe she had a panic attack that serious. She had them a lot as a child, especially after being trapped with a unexploded shell, but they were never so bad that she lost all sense of reality. Whether it was a result of her powers or the trauma of losing the only family she had left, something had caused this to happen and Wanda hated it.

"Sorry," she gasped.

"Don't be."

-o-

She could not sleep that night. Every time she tried to close her eyes, Wanda could see Sokovia falling into the ocean. It sent her heart racing every time and her heart was not exactly strong. Half the time she thought it could trigger a heart attack.

After what felt like an eternity, Wanda got out of bed and went to the lounge to see if she could find something to relax her. Only someone else had the same idea.

"Captain?" she asked quietly.

Steve turned his head and looked straight at Wanda, "Hi, Wanda, you can't sleep either?"

"No," Wanda replied sitting on the same sofa as Steve.

"You feeling okay?"

"I wish people would not ask me that question."

"Sorry. It's just that after earlier, I thought I would ... Check."

"I've had panic attacks before. That was a big one though."

"What are you scared of?"

"That I am alone in the world. No one to love who loves me back. That I am untrustworthy. That there is no one who understands how I feel."

Steve thought for a moment and decided to make a risky move. He took her hand and opened his mind. Wanda immediately pulled back.

"It's okay," he told her.

"I don't think it's a good idea. Your memories are your business."

"I trust you."

Steve took her hands again and images of Steve's past had projected in Wanda's mind. The loss of his mother, Bucky, and the feeling of displacement in a world he still doesn't understand. It was then that Wanda got it: he was showing her that he understood how she was feeling.

Wanda cried. Steve gathered her into his arms and held her close, whispering that she was fine.

-o-

Wanda could not deny that something had changed between her and Steve. Since he had allowed her access to his memories, Wanda had been drawn to Steve like a magnet. She sat by him at dinner, listened intently to what he said when he did his one-on-ones with her, and generally just being closets him at all times. She felt like a bit of a creep doing that, but given the emotive aspect of her powers, it made sense that she was developing some sort of emotional bond with Steve.

It did make her wonder how Steve was reacting to her new behaviour, or if he even noticed. She doubted that he was treating her with pity. She wondered if he felt this connection too.

Granted, Steve had told her that his door was open if she ever wanted to talk. So that was what she did one sleepless night. She knocked on his bedroom door and after a few moments, Steve opened the door.

"Wanda, is everything okay?" he asked rubbing his eyes.

"I can't sleep."

He lets her pass and they sit on the bed. Since Wanda thought it was fair, she told him of her past. Everything that she could recall and Steve really listened like he cared. She told him of her parent's death and the two days she was trapped. To her it felt like a million years and that she and Pietro were bound to starve to death.

"It must have been hell being born into war," Steve said.

"It was literally hell on earth. You would not think that people like that exist."

"I would."

"World War Two?"

"That really must have been hell."

"It was."

Solider or civilian, Wanda felt as though the connection between them was growing closer.

-o-

Over the next week, Wanda had really started to develop an infatuation with Steve. She was craving his touch, the way he looked at her, and the way he spoke. It had gotten to the point where she was feigning having nightmares just so she could share a bed with him. She felt bad about it, mostly because she didn't want to manipulate him. Even when she tried to distance herself, Wanda still felt herself being drawn back. She really needed to talk about it with someone because she was probably looking incredibly creepy and clingy.

Natasha had noticed, mostly because Wanda was rarely far from Steve whenever they had a conversation. When Steve went away, Wanda would withdraw herself to an emotionless shell until he returned. It was as though Wanda was a little puppy who could not bear to be apart from Steve.

" _God I hope this is just a schoolgirl crush_ ," Natasha thought. She decided that she was going to figure out what was going on once Steve was out of earshot. "So, you seem pretty attached to Rogers a fair bit lately. Seems like where he goes you go as well."

Wanda went very red, "You noticed."

"Can't help it. So what's going on?"

Against her better judgment, Wanda revealed everything from the seeing inside Steve's memories to being physically unable to be apart from him. "I don't know what it is wrong with me. I feel like such a creep."

Natasha blinked and took a sip of coffee, "My guess is that you feel lonely and you are attaching yourself to a man who you feel is like you and would not mind the company."

"It's just that I feel as though he has been there for me since I came to this place. He's just been so kind and patient and supportive. You know part of this may be loneliness but I think I might be falling in love with him."

Natasha looked at her with a smile that suggested she was thinking, "Oh you sweet fool."

"What do I do Natasha?"

"You tell him how you feel."

"It's not that easy."

"Love is not easy."

Natasha had said years ago that love was childish. She had been recovering from a broken heart. Then Bruce happened and she was back at square one. Wanda was so young compared to Natasha, even though there was seven years between them. Granted, Natasha had been thrust into an adult world at an atrociously young age and had seen things that would add fifty years to a person. Yet she had experienced love, heartbreak, and friendship. Wanda's life seemed to be a never-ending cycle of heartbreak. One more would probably kill her.

-o-

Wanda had really tried to tell Steve how she felt but it never could come out. The words were trapped in her throat.

Then that night happened. They had gone on a mission together since Steve had wanted to test out the new Avengers. It was not meant to be a long one. Just to record a drugs kingpin in China. Nothing out of the ordinary.

After they got their evidence, sent it off to the local authorities and got the guy arrested they retired for the night. The fell asleep apart but woke up spooning together. Nothing unusual. That morning, though, Wanda felt something poking her in her thighs. She rolled over to find that Steve was straining in his pyjama bottoms. Steve woke up and blushed, "Wanda, I'm sorry."

Wanda was not sure what to do. It was either slip out of bed and leave Steve to deal with it or she could help him. There was something very tempting about the latter. Wanda gave into temptation and kissed him on the lips. He tasted so good and she had only touched his lips. She moaned softly. Once she pulled her lips away, she saw Steve's eyes were open, albeit hooded with sleep, dark and confused.

"It's okay, let me help you," she whispered.

Her hand slipped past the elastic band on his PJs and boxers, before wrapping around his cock. Steve gasped and while there was a part of his brain that knew he should not be allowing her to do this, he sat back and let her.

Some of the other women, mostly Darcy, had wondered what Steve's member was like because surely such a specimen had to have grown in other places. Wanda wasn't too sure about it before he had received the serum, but just from the feel of it, Wanda could tell it was a sight to behold. Slowly and gently, she stroked him. Steve moaned softly. His plump pink lips were so goddamn kissable and his cheek bones and jaw could rival those of the Ancient Greek gods. Wanda had never met a man like him, physically or emotionally. He was just so respectful and sweet that Wanda wondered if he was born that way or had been raised like that.

Wanda quickened her hand and lay a few kisses on his neck. His breaths were so deep now. He was close and Wanda could feel him throbbing in her hand. She looked at him intently and shifted herself lower so her mouth was level with his crotch. She pulled the waistband of his pyjamas and boxers down and attached her lips to the tip while her hand still stroked him. The sensation of her hot, wet mouth on the most sensitive part of his body caused Steve to gasp loudly and spill inside Wanda's mouth.

Once he was done, Wanda wordlessly pulled his pyjamas up and turned away from Steve. Steve's frazzled and confused brain left him unable to talk.

In the bathroom, Wanda stared at her reflection in shock at what she had done. She had never done that before and it freaked her out how she knew what Steve wanted. She could still taste him in her mouth, and she kind of liked it. Even then she still felt like she had damaged their friendship forever.

She sat on the toilet and cried. When Steve knocked the door, she told him to leave her alone.

-o-

For the first time since Pietro's death, Wanda fell really low. The days after his death had been a low point but now she was practically comatose. She had rejected Steve's comfort, the only thing that was making her happy, and now she had screwed that up that she was not able to crack a smile.

People were now getting really concerned. She just seemed to shut down emotionally and not engage. Steve's absence with Rhodey was not helping.

Then she suffered a massive panic attack. It was in the middle of a training session, Rhodey came it covered in blood and Wanda's heart went into overdrive when he described the incident that had left Steve badly hurt. Her breath became shallow, she trembled, and she was nauseous and sweaty. In her brain, all she could think was, " _Not again_."

Natasha and Sam came rushing to her aid, trying to calm her down. Vision grabbed a sick bag from the first aid box for her to breathe into while Rhodey ran for help from medical. Even with everyone trying to help, the panic attack lasted twenty minutes. After, Wanda had to lie down.

"I don't get it. I thought she had passed a psych test," Sam commented. From Wanda's perspective, his voice was distorted.

"I think we need to take her to medical," Natasha replied.

Once everything became clearer for Wanda, the psychiatrist performed the tests she had performed a few weeks back, then allowed Wanda to explain how she was feeling. Then she delivered the results to Natasha.

"Okay, I'm not going to lie. She barely passed the first time, and I put that down to grief. But Wanda seems to be suffering from PTSD. She's sleep deprived and depressed. Given the circumstances of her brother's death, she probably was reliving what happened when they were told Commander Rogers had been shot."

Natasha looked at Wanda's curled form in bed and sighed, "We're going to have to take her off duty."

"That and I have suggested she is sedated for a couple days just so she can get some sleep."

"Do you think she will be ready then?"

"I don't know. We'll have to see."

-o-

After two days, Wanda had been taken off her sedation and came face-to-face with Steve. His face looked a bit battered and bruised but even then he still made the effort to give her a sweet smile. Wanda smiled back and tried to sit up.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Like shit," she answered. "What about you?"

"It's getting there. Slowly. You've had us all worried."

"Really?"

"Of course. You're one of us."

"Steve, about what happened in the motel…"

"Hey, don't be. I should have told you to stop."

They left it at that and Wanda was left to recover. The psychiatric doctor had arranged a group therapy session with a therapist, mostly so that she could get to the root of whatever was making Wanda so depressed, and to show her she was not alone.

"Right so, we have a stick and I want you to pass it around. If someone has the stick you are not allowed to speak over them," the therapist explained. "Who wants to go first?"

Everyone looked around at one another, almost daring each other to be the first one. Sam elected to go first since he had done stuff like this with other veterans.

"So as you know I lost my best friend Riley. After his death, I could not sleep for almost a month. I kept seeing him go down and his screaming kept ringing in my ears. I just wanted to smother myself to make everything stop."

Natasha then took the stick, "When I was sixteen, I 'graduated' from the Black Widow program. You would think that ceremony would just involve me having to shoot someone. It wasn't. They sterilise the girls because it prevented that distraction from a mission. They often saw child-bearing as the last bit of humanity a girl could have. To this day, I still feel like a monster."

Steve took the stick and began, "Nat, you are not a monster for what they forced you to do. They are the monsters, not you." They would not be sure if Natasha got the message but Steve told his story. "When I woke up from the ice I felt aimless and alone. I was not sure about everything or what I was doing. Everything I had known was gone and I guess I am still processing it in my head."

Steve offered the stick to Wanda. Wanda tentatively took the stick. She thought about it for a moment then took a deep breath, "I think you can guess what I will say and yes, Pietro has been affecting my moods, but I've always been like this. I've been like this since I was ten. My first panic attack occurred when Pietro and I were trapped and it was not helping my fear of setting off the bomb. I had them fairly regularly after that and they did become less frequent, but then Pietro died and at his funeral, I began to have another. And then the other day I panicked because I thought it was happening again."

Wanda decided enough was enough and passed the stick to Rhodey. Natasha looked at her and shook her head. Wanda did not have to poke into her brain to know that Natasha had thought Wanda had not been completely honest.

It was later during a session on the punchbags that Natasha told her straight, "What we revealed was deeply personal to us but you are holding back on why you have been really depressed."

"I just did not want to reveal more than I should, especially since it involved someone in that room," Wanda replied as she hit the bag weakly.

"Rogers?" Wanda nodded. "What exactly happened between you two on that mission? You both were acting weird with one another when you got back."

"We fell asleep in the same bed and woke up spooned. Steve... He had a..."

"Stiffy?"

"If that's what you call it. I offered to help and did."

Natasha smirked, "Wow."

"It was just my hand, and a bit of my mouth at the end, but afterwards I felt as though I had destroyed our friendship." Wanda hit the bag harder and with feeling. "It's not really been the same between us since."

"Do you still think you are in love with him?" Wanda nodded. "You really need to tell him. For your mind's sake."

Wanda nodded again and returned to punching her bag.

-o-

The next time Steve and Wanda were alone together was breakfast the next morning. They had been the early risers that morning and Wanda really relished in the moment of peace between them.

"Steve, can we talk?" she asked.

"Sure."

"About that night, the reason I felt so bad after was because I thought I had wrecked our friendship."

"I told you that I should have stopped you."

"The thing is that I am glad you didn't. When I was doing it, I felt happy that you were happy. I felt really connected to you. So I don't know what happened in my head afterwards. Maybe I just thought that you would not love me. I've been in love with you for a while but did not know how to make sense of it in my head."

Steve looked at her completely stunned. Wanda, on the other hand, felt a weight lift off her shoulder. Before Steve could say anything, Sam came into the kitchen in his running gear.

"You ready Cap?" he asked.

"Yeah," Steve replied. Wanda looked down and Steve immediately went to reassuring her, "Wanda, we'll talk about what we were talking about when I get back, okay?"

Wanda nodded. Once Steve and Sam were out of sight, Wanda immediately went to the pool.

-o-

Steve finds Wanda by the pool. She wasn't swimming but sitting on the side with her feet in the water. Her long dark hair flowed over her shoulders and the crimson bikini clashed heavily against her pale skin. She looked absolutely stunning sitting there in solitude.

Wanda looked up as him as Steve removed his trainers and rolled up his sweatpants. He sat beside her and put his feet in the water.

"Do you really believe you are in love with me?" Steve asked.

"Since you let me see your memories, I have felt very attached to you. Then I got to really know you, and I just never wanted to be apart from you, and I worry that you don't feel the same."

Steve looked at her and smiled, "You know when I wake up next to you, I smile. I don't immediately get up, I just look for all the little details on your face. You have slight dimples around your mouth. You sleep with your mouth slightly open. You crinkle your forehead when you wake up. Your eyes are so beautiful when you first wake up. That's just the morning. In the day, I also notice when you're reading that you bite your lip. You move your feet a lot when you are standing up. You hate fish. It's little things like that that makes me love you."

Wanda looked at him and genuinely smiled. Steve took her hand and kissed her forehead.

"You fancy a swim?" she asked.

"Haven't got my gear."

"Don't need it."

Wanda pushed him into the pool. Steve's head emerged from the water and scowled at her. Wanda giggled. Steve got his top off and grabbed Wanda by the waist. He gently pulled her in and her body collided with his. Wanda wrapped her arms around his neck and Steve pressed his lips against hers. Wanda kissed him back gratefully.

Wanda helped him get his trousers off and their bodies clung to one another like an anchor to the seabed. Steve pressed her gently against the wall and his hands caressed her skin while his lips kissed her neck. Wanda gently moaned. Steve looked at her a second to see if she was okay with what was probably going to happen. Wanda nodded. Steve undid the knot of her bikini top and her breasts spilled out and the cold air hit her nipples, as did Steve's tongue.

Wanda lifted herself up on the ledge and Steve pulled at the bottom of her bikini, leaving her beautifully bare to the world. He kissed up her thighs and caressed her waist with his hands. Wanda shifted over and Steve followed so they were both out of the water. Steve lay down and let Wanda straddle him. Wanda kissed him firmly and they removed the last item that separated them. Steve sat up so their bodies could mould together and Wanda slowly sank down his length. She let out a noise between a gasp and a yelp as Steve's cock filled her. Steve let out a tremulous groaned and clung to the wet skin of her back, treasuring the soft feel of it. It was as though she was his gravity, drawing him closer.

Slowly but surely, Wanda began to move. She sighed and relaxed into his touch. His strong hands were moving over her body as though he was trying to memorise everything about it, flaws and all. She felt rather skinny, even though she now had the luxury of eating what she wanted. Steve could feel it in her ribs. Granted, having plenty of food accessible to him shocked Steve a bit when he was defrosted. He would let her take her time to try everything. She deserved to be helped and not pushed.

As her thighs moved, Wanda could not help but note how intimate the position they had chosen was. She could see the pattern of his blue irises, how there were flakes of green around the pupil. His heart was pounding, his breaths working in overdrive. She could hear her own heart pounding in her ears.

She kissed him, they're grunts merging together as she sped up slightly. Steve's hands had moved lower so he was taking in the feel of her bum and thighs. He moved his finger between her legs and after some fumbling, he found her clitoris and slowly rolled it. Wanda gasped and a weak orgasm shuddered through her body. She was shocked at how quickly it had come over her. Steve clutched her hips and guided her. He rolled her body, rocking them back and forth.

He nipped and sucked on her throat and Wanda responded with her own kisses. Her fingers raked through his hair and used his shoulders as leverage to help the flagging strength in her thighs and fuck him faster and harder. Her hips moved in a way that made Steve see stars at the back of his eyes.

As his nerve endings ignited, bright lights appeared in his vision, a massive shiver went down his spine and finally he was pushed over the edge.

"I love you," he whispered as he came undone. "I love you Wanda."

Wanda's breath caught in her throat, her hands gripped at Steve's flesh. Her second orgasm was hard and it tore through her. All feeling in her limbs had gone and her body went into a dreamlike state where she was floating on the ocean.

In the aftermath, neither could speak. Their brains were frazzled, breaths were heavy and Wanda was only faintly aware Steve was lying down and she was lying on top of him. Her thighs were cramping but Wanda didn't care. She was relishing the feel of his naked skin against hers.

"Steve," she whispered, "I love you too."

-o-

The next morning, Wanda woke to see Steve looking at her with a smile on his face. Wanda smiled back and placed her hand on his face. She stroked her hand over his cheek bone and kissed him right on the lips.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Like a huge cloud has blown away."

The End


End file.
